“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” but “out of sight, out of mind.” We find comfort in the familiar, but “familiarity breeds contempt.” The basic moral is that relationships take work. Friendships only last as long as someone bothers to pick up the phone every once in a while to find out that Suzie married John and they have 2.5 kids. Are you still friends with someone you haven’t spoken to in five years? Even if you didn’t part badly, but just parted, the answer is not particularly. There are friendships that are capable of withstanding such a lapse, but most will fade away, the people involved finding that they no longer have that great wealth of names, news, and interests in common.
This is no different in the realm of the Dungeon. Point of fact, it’s far more important to work at a relationship between Mistress and slave/pet/sub/what have you.
Allow me to illustrate. The first few times that slaves come into the presence of a Mistress, they are so very careful to follow the rituals, so eager to focus on Her, so concentrated on proper mindset and pose and word and thought. Over time, however, both Mistress and slave become complacent. The slave follows the rituals while contemplating squishing the head of their annoying coworker. The Mistress is too distracted to notice his inattention or She lets it slide. he no longer focuses on Her and Her alone as he kneels and kisses her hands or feet. There is no longer that worshipful energy being created from the very moment She enters the room. This can be deadly for scenes. Each time it becomes harder and harder for the slave to focus on Her pleasure. It is easier and easier for him to excuse little lapses as being ‘important’ or ‘just stress’ or ‘harmless diversion.’ And more and more, She notices he doesn’t worship as fully as he did and She grows unhappy with him. Her needs are no longer being met. And so She moves on to the next slave and has those first few magical sessions with him and feels again the magic that was lost. But through the same cycle, again the magic fades.
This scenario is all to easy to picture because it’s all too easy for it to occur. Rituals form the ideal boundary to play, or in the case of 24/7 the perfect reminder to the slave of who and what they are and Who they serve. Rituals upon entering the presence of a Mistress should be undertaken with sincerity and firm concentration. They should be used as a time for the slave to put aside all other concerns and focus on the Woman he is being allowed the privilege of serving. There should be no time, not the first scene, not the thousandth, during which the rituals should be rushed, forgotten, or simply endured. The Mistress should never allow Her slave to get away with anything less than 100% involvement in even something so simple as kissing Her hand in greeting. Not only because this discipline and setting aside of reality is what the slave needs, but because She needs his full focus to make the effort she gives worth while. It’s a perfect reversal of the old joke about the woman contemplating paint colors during sex.
To that end, and because I was asked, I will enumerate here a few of the rituals I have made for My pet to follow.
- When My pet serves me, I allow him the pleasure of kissing My hand. I expect nothing less than his perfect concentration on the fact that this is his reward for doing something that pleased Me. It is in place to remind him WHY he does things to please Me, and to remind him that he DOES please Me.
- When I go places, My pet opens doors for Me, including the car, which he then closes behind Me. This is a bit of old fashioned chivalry that I find that I enjoy. It reminds him that he is with a Woman who he is serving, even in public. It makes a statement for him, pointing out to others that he has attracted the attentions of this Woman, and he has returned that attention by performing acts to make Her life easier. During this ritual, his attention is focused solely on Me and my comfort.
Notice that these are not outrageous or overtly kinky rituals. That’s why I like them. They can be performed anywhere at any time without anyone being the wiser. I can be in the middle of a crowded supermarket and reward My pet for pleasing Me by offering him My hand. he serves me at all times in all ways and the rituals to remind him of that are simple and focused and applicable to almost any surroundings. Rituals are important, but only as far as the slave and Mistress are willing to put true effort into making them so. Don’t familiarity with your own rituals breed contempt for them.
