I love massages. Neck rubs, foot rubs, back massage, leg massage, hand massage, I love them all.
However, anyone who’s had more than one or two massages in their life will tell you that there are good massages, great massages, and ‘better off without’ massages. If you want to pamper ME you’d better know what makes a great massage.
- If you don’t want to be here, don’t waste my time. Believe it or not, it’s pretty easy to tell when you’re getting a massage from someone who’d rather be playing WoW. If you don’t want to give me a massage, say so, but don’t humor me and run your hand over my back twice and call it a ‘massage’. I’d rather have your full attention later than crap now.
- Massages are sexy; run with it. If I ask you for a massage, I’m giving you PERMISSION to run your hands all over my body. Use it. Linger. Spend some time just touching my skin before you start kneading me like a French loaf. Turn the lights down, light a candle or some incense, and use a sexy smelling lotion. Whisper sweet nothings to me while you rub my shoulders.
- Use your nerves. If it’s your first time giving a massage, it’s okay to press too hard over bone once or twice, but by the third time, you should know what to feel for. Don’t press on the spine. It hurts. If there’s a piece of bone jutting up under your palm, don’t mash it with the heel of your palm. Rub gently over flat bones like the shoulderblades, and avoid the spine and any other narrow bones altogether. Also, never ever ever press deeply into the area between the hips and ribs. The kidneys are in there, and they hate being bruised.
- Be creative. When I say massage, people think back. That’s all well and good, but any woman who works standing up will tell you that a good foot massage is worth her weight in gold*. My personal favorite is a good hand and arm massage since I spend most days taking notes and sitting at a computer.
- Bruising is not sexy (unless it is). Know how hard to press, please. This will vary from person to person, of course. Me? I bruise insanely easily on my legs and arms, but my back can take a nice firm rub. If I tense up or twitch when you’re rubbing, it hurts. Now, if bruising is the idea, that should be negotiated well before.
- This is NOT about you. When I get a massage, it’s all about pampering ME, and that’s all that you should be focussed on. If you can’t manage that… Spas sell gift certificates.
Anyone wishing to send gift certificates, feel free to contact me.
