It’s not something I put on my resume. It doesn’t go on my transcript. I don’t (usually) put it on my business card. I wouldn’t introduce myself as one in everyday conversation. It doesn’t define ME.
Which is not to say it’s not an important part of my life. It influences my relationships. The fact that I am a dominant woman is what led my beloved pet to me. It was the main reason we started communicating. I’m the one who gets things done because I’m not afraid to put my foot down. I don’t take shit from anyone.
‘Well,’ you might be saying, ‘that doesn’t sound very special.’ It’s not. A lot of women have learned to be aggressive because they have to, or they enjoy it. A Mistress isn’t really that much different from any other woman. In fact, the very definition of Mistress is as varied as the number of women who wear the title. Trying to pin down a definition is a lot like trying to pin Jello to a wall. The more you try, the more things are going to get away from you.
To me, being a Mistress begins with control. I control myself, my situation, my life, and most importantly, I control my relationships. Be they male or female, I control my partners. Being a Mistress isn’t about sex. Being a Mistress is about being trusted so much that someone is willing to give ME complete control over them. Even if it’s just for an hour.
There are all sorts of trappings to being a Mistress that I really can live with or without, as the situation warrants. Floggers and crops? Pleasant, but noisy. Rope? Time consuming, but very enjoyable. Tall heels? My absolute favorite, but impractical in most situations. I feel at my most powerful, not when my partner is bound, gagged, and blindfolded at my feet, but when we walk into a restaurant or a store and I know that at any moment, if I said the word, my wish is their command.
Dominating is also about knowing another person completely. There can’t be any secrets in a relationship like that because there must be absolute trust. If I don’t trust my partner, I’m not going to want to involve myself with them. I have to know that if I tell my submissive to do something, they’re going to trust me and do it, even if they don’t understand why at the time. Sometimes, keeping them in the dark is a punishment. Sometimes it’s to increase the pleasure. Sometimes it’s just for my entertainment.
Which leads to another aspect of domination. Probably my favorite aspect… Enjoying another person. When was the last time you were free to enjoy another human being? Look as much as you want, touch as much as you want, give them or take from them what YOU want, and enjoy their every reaction? The average relationship really misses this area. People are so concerned with enjoying themselves, that they’ve forgotten how much joy can be had enjoying another person. Watching someone jump and squirm when you bite them in just the right spot. Glorious.
