Shoes…

I love shoes.

Did I get your attention?

I love shoes, but I am not a shoe fetishist.  I think shoes are beautiful, and can make legs (male and female) look beautiful.  I think shoes can be art and personality and function all rolled up in to one.

I do not, however, own large quantities of shoes.  I own two, maybe three pair at any given time.

Why?

I’ve known women who had literally hundreds of pairs of cheap shoes.  I’ve known women who had dozens of pairs of expensive shoes that they didn’t care for.  I’ve known women who had shoes they’d only ever worn once.  I’m not any of those women.  I like my shoes to be wearable and sturdy, and I don’t buy them unless I have a place to wear them regularly.  I also don’t buy shoes I don’t find cute or attractive in some way, and I certainly don’t pay money for shoes that are going to last me less than a year.  I also find that shoes, like so many things, mean more to me and make me happier when they have sentimental value.  My favorite pair of shoes are ridiculously tall heels that I wore the first time I went to dinner with my pet.

I almost always wear heels.  Kind of amusing, really, because I’m almost six feet tall as it is, but I just prefer the way heels make women walk.  I think it’s daintier.  Also, I have ankle issues and wearing heels puts my ankles at a better angle.  Around here we get a lot of rain, and it’s good to be off the ground sometimes.  Besides, heels are just sexy.

My favorite shoe store here in Seattle is Fluevog.  They have some adorable shoes, and they carry my size, which is a minor miracle. (I have big feet.)  They’re great shoes according to everyone, and they’re really easy to resole and maintain, so they’re really lifetime shoes.  I’ve been ogling them for ages now and I’ve picked out a few pairs to get, but narrowing it down is so hard.  Their stock changes frequently, so just when I think I’ve decided, something cute comes out and then I have to pick all over again.

So yes, I love shoes.  Do you?

A Few Familiar Sayings…

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” but “out of sight, out of mind.”  We find comfort in the familiar, but “familiarity breeds contempt.”  The basic moral is that relationships take work.  Friendships only last as long as someone bothers to pick up the phone every once in a while to find out that Suzie married John and they have 2.5 kids.  Are you still friends with someone you haven’t spoken to in five years?  Even if you didn’t part badly, but just parted, the answer is not particularly.  There are friendships that are capable of withstanding such a lapse, but most will fade away, the people involved finding that they no longer have that great wealth of names, news, and interests in common.

This is no different in the realm of the Dungeon.  Point of fact, it’s far more important to work at a relationship between Mistress and slave/pet/sub/what have you.

Allow me to illustrate.  The first few times that slaves come into the presence of a Mistress, they are so very careful to follow the rituals, so eager to focus on Her, so concentrated on proper mindset and pose and word and thought.  Over time, however, both Mistress and slave become complacent.  The slave follows the rituals while contemplating squishing the head of their annoying coworker.  The Mistress is too distracted to notice his inattention or She lets it slide.  he no longer focuses on Her and Her alone as he kneels and kisses her hands or feet.  There is no longer that worshipful energy being created from the very moment She enters the room.  This can be deadly for scenes.  Each time it becomes harder and harder for the slave to focus on Her pleasure.  It is easier and easier for him to excuse little lapses as being ‘important’ or ‘just stress’ or ‘harmless diversion.’  And more and more, She notices he doesn’t worship as fully as he did and She grows unhappy with him.  Her needs are no longer being met.  And so She moves on to the next slave and has those first few magical sessions with him and feels again the magic that was lost.  But through the same cycle, again the magic fades.

This scenario is all to easy to picture because it’s all too easy for it to occur.  Rituals form the ideal boundary to play, or in the case of 24/7 the perfect reminder to the slave of who and what they are and Who they serve.  Rituals upon entering the presence of a Mistress should be undertaken with sincerity and firm concentration.  They should be used as a time for the slave to put aside all other concerns and focus on the Woman he is being allowed the privilege of serving.  There should be no time, not the first scene, not the thousandth, during which the rituals should be rushed, forgotten, or simply endured.  The Mistress should never allow Her slave to get away with anything less than 100% involvement in even something so simple as kissing Her hand in greeting.  Not only because this discipline and setting aside of reality is what the slave needs, but because She needs his full focus to make the effort she gives worth while.  It’s a perfect reversal of the old joke about the woman contemplating paint colors during sex.

To that end, and because I was asked, I will enumerate here a few of the rituals I have made for My pet to follow.

• When My pet serves me, I allow him the pleasure of kissing My hand.  I expect nothing less than his perfect concentration on the fact that this is his reward for doing something that pleased Me.  It is in place to remind him WHY he does things to please Me, and to remind him that he DOES please Me.
• When I go places, My pet opens doors for Me, including the car, which he then closes behind Me.  This is a bit of old fashioned chivalry that I find that I enjoy.  It reminds him that he is with a Woman who he is serving, even in public.  It makes a statement for him, pointing out to others that he has attracted the attentions of this Woman, and he has returned that attention by performing acts to make Her life easier. During this ritual, his attention is focused solely on Me and my comfort.

Notice that these are not outrageous or overtly kinky rituals.  That’s why I like them.  They can be performed anywhere at any time without anyone being the wiser.  I can be in the middle of a crowded supermarket and reward My pet for pleasing Me by offering him My hand.  he serves me at all times in all ways and the rituals to remind him of that are simple and focused and applicable to almost any surroundings.  Rituals are important, but only as far as the slave and Mistress are willing to put true effort into making them so.  Don’t familiarity with your own rituals breed contempt for them.

Just a quick note.

A note to all who have sent me messages or who occasionally peek at my work in progress here on wordpress.  I am going to be without internet for the next week or so.  I promise to reply to everyone just as soon as I can.

The Art of Massage

I love massages. Neck rubs, foot rubs, back massage, leg massage, hand massage, I love them all.

However, anyone who’s had more than one or two massages in their life will tell you that there are good massages, great massages, and ‘better off without’ massages. If you want to pamper ME you’d better know what makes a great massage.

1. If you don’t want to be here, don’t waste my time. Believe it or not, it’s pretty easy to tell when you’re getting a massage from someone who’d rather be playing WoW. If you don’t want to give me a massage, say so, but don’t humor me and run your hand over my back twice and call it a ‘massage’. I’d rather have your full attention later than crap now.
2. Massages are sexy; run with it. If I ask you for a massage, I’m giving you PERMISSION to run your hands all over my body. Use it. Linger. Spend some time just touching my skin before you start kneading me like a French loaf. Turn the lights down, light a candle or some incense, and use a sexy smelling lotion. Whisper sweet nothings to me while you rub my shoulders.
3. Use your nerves. If it’s your first time giving a massage, it’s okay to press too hard over bone once or twice, but by the third time, you should know what to feel for. Don’t press on the spine. It hurts. If there’s a piece of bone jutting up under your palm, don’t mash it with the heel of your palm. Rub gently over flat bones like the shoulderblades, and avoid the spine and any other narrow bones altogether. Also, never ever ever press deeply into the area between the hips and ribs. The kidneys are in there, and they hate being bruised.
4. Be creative. When I say massage, people think back. That’s all well and good, but any woman who works standing up will tell you that a good foot massage is worth her weight in gold*. My personal favorite is a good hand and arm massage since I spend most days taking notes and sitting at a computer.
5. Bruising is not sexy (unless it is). Know how hard to press, please. This will vary from person to person, of course. Me? I bruise insanely easily on my legs and arms, but my back can take a nice firm rub. If I tense up or twitch when you’re rubbing, it hurts. Now, if bruising is the idea, that should be negotiated well before.
6. This is NOT about you. When I get a massage, it’s all about pampering ME, and that’s all that you should be focussed on.  If you can’t manage that… Spas sell gift certificates.

Anyone wishing to send gift certificates, feel free to contact me.

mistress – [mis-tris] n.

1. a woman who has authority, control, or power, esp. the female head of a household, institution, or other establishment.
2. a woman employing, or in authority over, servants or attendants.
3. a female owner of an animal, or formerly, a slave.
4. a woman who has the power of controlling or disposing of something at her own pleasure: mistress of a great fortune.
5. (sometimes initial capital letter) something regarded as feminine that has control or supremacy: Great Britain, the mistress of the seas.
6. a women who is skilled in something, as an occupation or art.
7. a woman who has a continuing, extramarital sexual relationship with one man, esp. a man who, in return for an exclusive and continuing liaison, provides her with financial support.
8. British. a female schoolteacher; schoolmistress.
9. (initial capital letter) a term of address in former use and corresponding to Mrs., Miss, or Ms.
10. Archaic. sweetheart.

 

Definition from dictionary.com

A very simple word, but it means something a little different to everyone. I get asked quite often, what kind of mistress am I?

There are three basic categories of BDSM relationship. Bondage, D/s or dominance, and S&M. Onto those, I’m going to tack fetish play, which can fall into any of those categories, or be one entirely on it’s own.

Bondage is not a aspect of BDSM that I enjoy for it’s own sake. I’ve been with submissives who were heavily aroused by bondage, however, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed myself because of their reactions. In this case, it really depends most on how much the submissive enjoys the activities. Or doesn’t, depending on what the point of the exercise is. I’m familiar with some basic ropework and functional bed ties, but have yet to have the proper opportunity to practice anything more artistic.

S&M is something I enjoy to a certain extent. Floggings, spankings, paddling, and biting are all enjoyable (biting is my favorite) but only to the level of mild bruising. Anything above that would require a long period of familiarity with my sub and a lot of convincing and negotiation.

D/s is the aspect of BDSM that I get the most enjoyment out of. There are some bondage relationships that practice entirely for their love of the art of bondage, with no partner dominating the other. Similarly S&M can be practiced in a minimally dominant relationship. However, I view dominance as overshadowing every single aspect of my life whether it is in the bedroom or the shopping mall, in a scene or out. I get enjoyment out of making decisions and letting my subs take that weight off their shoulders during our time together.

When it comes to fetishes I don’t really have any, but if I were to meet with a sub who genuinely enjoyed something, there are very few that I wouldn’t find some enjoyment in. I’ll try anything once, just about. I am NOT interested in infantilism or scat as a hard rule. Anything else is negotiable.

As a rule, I am not a cruel Mistress, but I can be very strict. I can also be a diva. I expect my submissives to pay attention and know what I like and what I don’t. It’s a measure of your sincerity that you know how I like my pizza (veggie, no peppers), that I’m a fiend for low sugar gourmet hot chocolate, and what my favorite foods are.

As with any relationship, I demand honesty from my submissives.

I am a Mistress.

It’s not something I put on my resume. It doesn’t go on my transcript. I don’t (usually) put it on my business card. I wouldn’t introduce myself as one in everyday conversation. It doesn’t define ME.

Which is not to say it’s not an important part of my life. It influences my relationships. The fact that I am a dominant woman is what led my beloved pet to me. It was the main reason we started communicating. I’m the one who gets things done because I’m not afraid to put my foot down. I don’t take shit from anyone.

‘Well,’ you might be saying, ‘that doesn’t sound very special.’ It’s not. A lot of women have learned to be aggressive because they have to, or they enjoy it. A Mistress isn’t really that much different from any other woman. In fact, the very definition of Mistress is as varied as the number of women who wear the title. Trying to pin down a definition is a lot like trying to pin Jello to a wall. The more you try, the more things are going to get away from you.

To me, being a Mistress begins with control. I control myself, my situation, my life, and most importantly, I control my relationships. Be they male or female, I control my partners. Being a Mistress isn’t about sex. Being a Mistress is about being trusted so much that someone is willing to give ME complete control over them. Even if it’s just for an hour.

There are all sorts of trappings to being a Mistress that I really can live with or without, as the situation warrants. Floggers and crops? Pleasant, but noisy. Rope? Time consuming, but very enjoyable. Tall heels? My absolute favorite, but impractical in most situations. I feel at my most powerful, not when my partner is bound, gagged, and blindfolded at my feet, but when we walk into a restaurant or a store and I know that at any moment, if I said the word, my wish is their command.

Dominating is also about knowing another person completely. There can’t be any secrets in a relationship like that because there must be absolute trust. If I don’t trust my partner, I’m not going to want to involve myself with them. I have to know that if I tell my submissive to do something, they’re going to trust me and do it, even if they don’t understand why at the time. Sometimes, keeping them in the dark is a punishment. Sometimes it’s to increase the pleasure. Sometimes it’s just for my entertainment.

Which leads to another aspect of domination. Probably my favorite aspect… Enjoying another person. When was the last time you were free to enjoy another human being? Look as much as you want, touch as much as you want, give them or take from them what YOU want, and enjoy their every reaction? The average relationship really misses this area. People are so concerned with enjoying themselves, that they’ve forgotten how much joy can be had enjoying another person. Watching someone jump and squirm when you bite them in just the right spot. Glorious.